Keyholding 101

Another primer! This time, thoughts on keyholding from the point of view of a guy whose key is being held.

I figure most of the time, any given keyholder is introduced to the concept of enforced male chastity, somewhat ironically perhaps, by the one whose key they’re being asked to hold. The one being locked is usually the one who wants to be locked and the one doing the locking often never even considered doing anything like it beforehand. So you can image they’re not always prepared for the demands of what might seem on the surface is a fairly low-key (ahem) responsibility.

I’ll say right up front I’m not about to lay out the One True Way. Every person in every relationship, not only sexual ones or kinky ones or ones involving hardware on penises, needs to find how they’re made satisfied and happy by it. It’s also true that in a lot of cases, guys getting locked up have been thinking and fantasizing and jacking off to the idea for a long time and they know exactly what they want (or think they know what they want) and will do their best to try and fit their keyholder into that ideal form. The keyholder is and should be free to accept their locked man’s position as nothing more than a kinky version of the picture on the outside of a TV dinner box: A serving suggestion. They need the room to make keyholding they’re own, not some pre-cut, pre-packaged idea distilled from captions on Tumblr images.

So guys, while this is mostly about what you need from your keyholder, what they need from you is space to make holding your key something they get off on, too. If you don’t give them that and are too prescriptive, you run the risk of turning them off to the idea altogether. Always remember they’ve not had the same amount of time or intensity you have thinking about the best, most hottest way it should be done. fapfapfap

Additionally, there’s no secret to how long to keep him locked up. As long and as often as you want (and/or he can stay that way without being injured by the device he’s in if it’s cheap or ill-fitted). He’ll either beg to be let out or imply he wants to be locked up and denied longer. Chances are, whatever you do, he won’t be happy about it. But the deal is, he gave you the key and the control so yours it is. If you want him out for a fuck, then let him out. If you don’t, don’t. If you want him to come, let/make him. If not, don’t. If he can’t handle that, then take the device off him and tell him it won’t go back on until he’s ready for the reality of what giving up control over his penis really means.

No, don’t be a bitch. Don’t be unnecessarily mean. Talk to him about how he’s feeling and what he’s thinking and let that influence you as much as you want, but this game needs to have some ground rules and rule number one should be the one who holds the key is the one who makes the decisions about the lock and all the other rules.

The only things he really needs from you is an understanding that you haven’t forgotten he’s locked up, you appreciate this predicament, and you take the key very seriously. There are countless stories on the web about those who get talked into holding a guy’s key even though they’re not really into the idea and they “set it and forget it.” This is the worst from the locked man’s perspective. As a keyholder, you’re really only reminded of the chastity dynamic when you can see his locked penis or he says something to you about it or you want to have sex. For him, it’s something he’s aware of all of the time. If you lose sight of that fact, chastity can feel very lonely and even pointless for him. He needs to know you cherish the “gift” of male chastity and know it can be hard (even if that knowledge won’t get him out of the device any sooner).

And the key. It’s really important to him. He wants you to treat it like a treasure because it represents so much. Do you hide it or wear it or secure it in a known location? Doesn’t matter, as long as you just don’t leave it laying around or, god forbid, lose it. Also take his locked state seriously. Occasionally, he may need to be away from you for travel or whatever. Come up with a system in which you can be reasonably sure he’s locked if you want him to be (things like texting a picture, etc.). You may not really care, but he needs you to act like you do. If you don’t think you can come up with a system, then tell him to do it for you. Trust me, he already has a lot of ideas about it.

Especially at the beginning of a chastity dynamic in which the keyholder wasn’t the originator of the idea, it’s not always easy to essentially play act your role. However, if my relationship with Belle is any indication, in time you may take your responsibility very seriously. Even more seriously than he’d like you to. And that, more than any fantasy porn scenario, is infinitely more satisfying for both of you.

Any other tips and ideas from my readers? Leave them in the comments!